Can He Love Me?
by scottiegal2012
Summary: Kathryn Janeway finds herself battling her most primitive emotions regarding a certain Hologram while attempting to save the ship from a terrible enemy. Rated M for Chapter 5, it will have a warning on it. Rest of content is T. Conclusion is up.
1. Can He Love Me?

Title: Can He Love Me?  
Rating: MA - sexuality and explicit intimacy in future chapters  
Characters: The Crew, of Course.  
Relationships/Pairings: Kathryn Janeway/Michael Sullivan  
Disclaimer: Space, the final frontier… a frontier that is owned by such as Paramount Pictures (At least I think paramount still owns it…) Regardless of who actually claims rights, it isn't me ;)  
Summery: Kathryn Janeway has spent a lot of time thinking about her relationship with holographic personality Michael Sullivan. But, can he love her?

Kathryn Janeway never failed to be amazed by the crisp feel to the air and the cleanliness it provided her. The holodeck, after all, was just another part of the ship. It would seem to make sense that the air be just as stale, recycled at that. She pushed those thoughts aside, intent on enjoying her afternoon of holodeck privileges, she earned it. She allowed herself a chuckle as she realized Harry Kim had beat her there, having left the bridge the same time as she. He was deep in conversation with Maggie O'Halleran, both sitting on the curbside. _Fair Haven…_ it was perfect. She closed her eyes as she stepped out from under the arch that served entrance and exit to the photonic world. It vanished as she did so and she slipped past Harry and Maggie, completely unnoticed as her period costume blended in with her surroundings. She smiled. Yes, this _was_ what she needed. She continued her brisk pace through the streets, knowing exactly where to find him at this hour. She came up behind him and slipped her arms around his neck, breathing in his familiar scent.

"Hello, dear Katie." Michael turned his face to catch her lips in a passionate kiss. "How is the ship?"

She laughed. It had been nearly a month since the mishap that allowed the people of Fair Haven to become aware of who had been visiting their quaint town. "The ship is well, but I've missed _you._" The emphasis was intentional.

He smiled and turned around completely, one knee resting on the bench, his elbow casually bent as he leaned against the back of it. "Oh I've missed you too, Katie O'Claire." He chuckled softly. "Walk with me?" He lifted his elbow to her and she took it with a slight curtsey. He laughed again and carefully led her around the bench and pulled her to him. "Where than shall we walk to?"

"I don't care." She confessed, her voice sounding strange to her. She wanted him, she wanted him to be real, but that couldn't be. "Somewhere quiet."

He nodded, a small smile gracing his face as he complied with her request. He led her through the streets and off to a patch of woods. She knew the holodeck couldn't extend much farther and she eyed him carefully. He pulled back the branches of an old willow and allowed her to step behind it.

Her heart leapt at the beauty. Tom really HAD outdone himself with the last adjustments. The tree cover prevented most light from getting through giving a dusky glow to the sanctuary. Brilliant blue flowers opened up in a natural path leading to a rippling brook that tumbled along over rocks and around shoreline trees before bending around a thicker grove and vanishing. "Oh Michael!"

He smiled proudly as he let her arm go and watched her inch close to the brook, slipping her shoes off as she went.

The hem of her long dress dipped in the cool water as she stepped onto a large rock resting just below the surface. She placed a hand against a nearby low hanging branch to steady herself. _Would it be such a shame to fall in?_ She smirked as she imagined Michael running to her to scoop her out of the water, picturing him slipping in after her and both looking completely ridiculous in the liquid perfection. She turned her head to let him see the sparkle in her eye and he followed, stepping onto the same rock and wrapping strong arms around her.

"The water is too cold for a swim, shall we find a clear place to rest?"

"Yes." She answered simply, suddenly concerned where this might go. She'd nearly given herself to him twice now, but resisted both times. The Doctor's words always echoed in her head though. _He makes a joke, you laugh. Is that an illusion? He says something that makes you think. Does it matter how his molecules are aligned? _What he said had struck her deeply. The Doctor always seemed to be right, and this time she'd had many months to consider his words.

Michael guided her off the rock and back onto shore before leading her behind some bushes that opened up into a more private cove, the trees and brush giving an element of secrecy to their little corner of the world. He sat and indicated she do the same.

Kathryn eased down next to him, her legs tucked beneath her. "What are you thinking about, Michael?"

"Us." It was a simple answer and the strong Irishman eyed her, intent on figuring her feelings out.

"What about us?" Kathryn ventured slowly.

"We've been together for a while, Katie…" He trailed off as he saw a flash of pain in her eyes. "Never mind." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled him against her, seemingly content to just hold her.

She fought tears back and scolded herself for being so reserved. She could have him, what difference would it make? She turned so her face pressed against his cheek and breathed deeply. "I'm sorry, Michael, I don't know why-"

"No excuses, Katie. It's not necessary." He pushed her back and smiled softly. "I would never want you to be uncomfortable."

She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Captain?"

Kathryn lifted her head and sighed.

"Someone is looking for you." Michael helped her stand.

"Don't leave… I will be back." She smiled and kissed him on the cheek before grabbing her shoes and hurrying out of the grove. "Over here, Harry!"

Harry laughed at the sight of her, bottom of her dress still wet, hair out of the typical bun she wore on the holodeck, smooth lying over her shoulders, shoes in hand. "Captain, Commander Chakotay tried to reach you."

She glanced down and realized her communicator wasn't in it's usual place. "Oh, I'm sorry, Harry, thank you for coming to get me." She moved to walk along side him as they made their way to where the arch would appear for them. "Do you know what he needs?"

"No, Captain, I was here as well when he called, but he seemed agitated."

She nodded as they exited the holodeck and continued to the turbolift. "Bridge." The turbolift complied, moving quickly upward.

"Uh, Captain… did you want the shoes on?" Harry fought a grin as he tried to remain professional while pointing at her bare feet.

She smiled sheepishly before dropping both shoes and slipping into them. "Given my attire, I don't think it makes a difference, Ensign." She patted him on the shoulder as the doors whisked open onto the Bridge.

"Captain, we've picked up a ship on long range sensors, it's Borg." Chakotay wasted no time with preliminaries as he reported to her.

*Following chapters to be added shortly*


	2. Unfortunate Interruptions

She came down to the Command level before responding. "How far?"

"Almost ten lightyears, but uncomfortably close for me."

"Agreed." She sat in her chair and punched in command codes allowing her the full schematic readout. "Mr. Paris… Take us to this system…" she entered coordinates in and sent them to the conn before continuing " … and engage at warp 4."

"Aye, Captain." Tom's fingers danced over the controls as the Bridge crew fell into an awkward silence.

Chakotay leaned across the gap between his chair and hers to see the system she had indicated. "It's industrialized, but probably not warp capable, they may see us."

"Let's hope they think it's just a blip on their sensors."

"Radar, Captain." Tom corrected.

_Of course he would know that,_ Kathryn thought. "Thank you, Mr. Paris." She rolled her eyes and Chakotay stifled a laugh.

Again, everyone was silent. Kathryn shifted uncomfortable as she ran her fingers over the fabric of the dress she still wore. She couldn't keep her mind on the dilemma at hand; getting around the Borg. She sighed and wrung her hands trying to think of anything but Michael Sullivan.

"Are you okay, Kathryn?" Chakotay's whisper entered her thoughts smoothly, not at all the intrusion anyone else may be.

"No. I will be though." She flashed him a crooked smile and stood. "I'm going to relocate my uniform and I'll be back. You have the Bridge, Commander."

"Aye." He stood as she left, always the gentleman.

As she passed by Harry, she smiled softly. "Sorry to interrupt your afternoon, Mr. Kim."

"Quite alright, Captain. Maggie had to go anyway." He smiled back as she turned and walked into the turbolift.

She had all but forgotten her promise to return to the shady cove as she sat in her ready room watching the active schematics of the Borg cube light up the screen in front of her. The door chime made her jump and her coffee splashed into her lap. "Come!"

Tom walked in as she was using a small cloth to wipe the hot fluid off of her lap. "Captain, do you have a moment?"

"I suppose, Lieutenant, what's on your mind?" She looked up as he gave her a sad smile.

"Did you forget about someone today?"

She looked at him for a moment before remembering Michael. "Oh…"

"He asked me to find you, something about discussing your hurt feelings and that he didn't mean to. I do try hard not get involved, Captain… it's your business and I-"

She held a finger up and smiled. "He knows we're friends, Tom, it's natural for him to go to you about me."

He grinned. "Yeah, sometimes he wonders if I'm not keeping him away from you on purpose."

She shook her head and laughed. "Well, I have an hour before we arrive at this system, I do suppose I should go apologize. Thank you, Tom."

"Anytime, Captain." He turned around and left while she fervently attempted to finish drying her pants.

"Computer, resume Fair Haven program." Kathryn was back in that dress, this time with her communicator fastened firmly to it.

"Program in progress." The computer responded dispassionately.

She keyed the entrance sequence and looked from the plain, gray corridor out into the dusky night of Fair Haven, Ireland.

Michael tossed another ring and it landed dead center again. "Oh young Harry, you are a worthy opponent, but I've beat you again."

"Not fair!" Harry protested while downing another shot of Irish whiskey. He wasn't sure what Irish whiskey was supposed to taste like, but he had decided the computer's version was delightful.

"Whining won't help you to win next time." He slammed his mug down and grinned, clearly drunk.

Harry had noticed that he drank more since that incident in the tree where he yelled the Captain's name at the top of his lungs. "You should close down and get some sleep."

"No, I'm still hoping Katie will come back tonight, she did promise." He sighed, a sort of sadness filling his eyes.

"If it helps, she's a busy woman, I'm sure she hasn't forgotten you." Harry felt bad for Michael, the people of Fair Haven were almost family to them and their pain, however replicated it was, was felt by the crew. He didn't understand the dynamics of Captain Janeway's feelings, after all, Harry had courted more than one photonic woman in their near 7 years in the Delta Quadrant.

"Perhaps I will shut down, get to cleaning. Tis was a pleasure to match you again, young Harry."

Harry walked through the streets and called for the arch to appear. "Computer, End-"

"No wait!" Kathryn stepped through the doors, scaring Harry half to death.

"Captain…" Harry stepped aside as she moved out of the doorway.

"Is he at the bar, Harry?"

Harry grinned wide. "Yes, and he's waiting for you."

She pat his shoulder. "I'll see you on the Bridge in an hour, Ensign."

"Yes, Ma'am… oh, Captain? He's been drinking." He hesitated as he spoke, unsure if he just stepped out of line.

"Thanks for the heads up."

She walked into Sullivan's to find the lights off and the place deserted. "Michael?" Her whisper breathy as though she'd run a mile. She sighed when no response was returned and slumped into a chair by the fireplace. Only a few glowing embers were there, remnants of a long day. She let her head fall into her hands and sat there, hot tears dripping down her cheeks.

She remained that way for a little while, unaware that Michael had been standing in a dark corner the entire time.

"Katie…?" He whispered finally.

Her heart leapt as she looked up at him, tears still stinging her eyes. She felt her throat tighten as she tried to speak, but nothing came out.

Instead he reached for her, kneeling in front of her and holding her shaking body against him. "I love you dearly, Katie, I don't want it to be like this though."

"I don't know if I can love you, truly and completely." She managed between sobs, her deep voice straining at every word.

"I don't know that I understand why, but surely we can figure it out." He pulled her off the chair and against him as she slowly calmed herself.

"Shall we relight the fire?" He smiled.

"I only have about 40 minutes, Michael."

"Than we'll just stay right here." He held her head against his chest and kissed her head gently. "We'll be alright, Katie."

"I know." She whispered back as she fought to keep her eyes from drifting shut.

"Ssh…" He soothed. "Sleep, I'll wake you."

She smiled through the tears that still remained as she let herself drift away, safe in his arms.

"All senior officers to the Bridge!"

Chakotay's voice echoed over the ship wide comm system, jarring her from her comfortable sleep. She was lying on the plain floor of the holodeck, emergency lights all but blinding her tired eyes.

"Computer, time!" She ordered as she struggled to her feet while the ship was tossed to the side.

"1134 Hours." It reported back, broken as systems were shutting down.

She made her way to the turbolift which refused to respond as she keyed the entry. "Janeway to the Bridge?"

Silence. The ship didn't move, the emergency power was all that remained as life through the ship.

She hiked the skirt of her dress up as she hurried down the corridor to the nearest jeffries tube where she opened the hatch manually and began ascending the levels toward the Bridge. As she went she was painfully aware of the dwindling oxygen in the closed space and the rising temperatures. She was beginning to feel dizzy by the time she crawled out of a hatch in the corridor near her ready room. She quickly shed the outer jacket, leaving a thin white under garment beneath it. The relief was instant as she took a shallow breath. Holding herself up against the bulkhead to steady the spinning room. Finally she caught her breath and forced the release on the door to the Bridge. Tuvok was laying in front of his station, Tom attempting to stabilize him with a small emergency med kit. Harry was frantically working controls to regain life support.

"Report!" She wheezed as she stumbled onto the bridge.

"Captain!" Paris leapt up and began scanning her.

She waved him off. "I'm fine Lieutenant, but jeffries tubes were not built for this." She held her skirt up between her fingers before dropping it and eyeing Tuvok. "Is he alright?"

Tom nodded. "Yeah, he's got a concussion, but nothing the Doctor can't handle once we're up and running. We've been cut off from the rest of the ship, can't even access sensors."

"It's the same everywhere, Tom." She mumbled as she took up a position behind the tactical station. "Ensign, did you see what hit us?"

"No, Captain, and we lost all external sensors immediately after. We're dead in the water. I can't even tell you if we've been boarded."

Kathryn exhaled slowly. "No Borg than?"

Tom let out a nervous laugh. "We'd be drones already if that were the case."

Kathryn stared at him a moment before turning her attention back to the minimal readouts in front of her. "It felt like we lost life support, is that the case, Mr. Kim?"

"Only briefly, Captain." Harry wiped the sweat of his brow. "However, ship's systems are not circulating the air properly, so we may have some problems if we don't get it working."

"Where's the Commander?"

"He and B'Elanna took the turbolift to engineering right before it shut down."

She rubbed her forehead as if it would clear her mind and make the work easier. "Make your first priority communications, we can't be cut off like this, not this close to that Borg ship."

Tom stood up suddenly. "Okay, Captain, there's nothing else I can do without Sick Bay."

She nodded. "He's fine for now?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Work with Harry, get the vital systems operational." She re-entered her ready room and stared out the window. Hoping to see answers. All she saw were stars. She could hear Harry and Tom through the open doors discussing what systems would take which procedure to get them operational again. She sighed softly. They were like sitting ducks, she couldn't even send a distress call out without fear it might be picked up by the Borg. She returned to the Bridge and shook her head. "There's nothing out there and we're definitely adrift."

"Comforting." Tom mumbled from beneath the tactical console. "Captain, I think I can establish a direct link to engineering, audio only."

"Do it, Tom." She felt protocol unintentionally slipping. "Janeway to Engineering. B'Elanna, do you read me?"

"Captain?"

"Lieutenant Carey! Who's with you?"

"Only a handful of officers, Captain, mostly injured, some bad. We can't get out. We needed to erect a level three containment field near the forward section due to a plasma leak. All other exits are damaged."

"How's the air down there?" Kathryn tried to relax her voice, wondering where her first officer and Lt. Torres were if they didn't make it to engineering before the breach.

"A little closed, Captain, some of the crewmen are getting dizzy although what sensors we have tell us life support is operational." Carey did sound breathless.

"Yes, that's what we have, but I'm dizzy myself. Hang on, we'll try and get someone on the other side to seal the leak and get you out."

"We're not going anywhere, Captain." Carey managed a small chuckle as two or three officers near him groaned.

"Do your best to keep everyone motivated. Janeway out." She looked at Harry and Tom. "Keep working on life support, something tells me our sensors are not being completely honest. I'm going to engineering."

"Captain?" Both men questioned her in unison.

"We could really use your help." Tom added, almost desperate. The Bridge was not meant to be run by two people, even a skeleton crew had at least five.

"If that containment field collapses the plasma will kill them. We're the only ones who know there's a problem down there, and I don't have the luxury of waiting for someone to get to them."

She returned to the jeffries tube she had come out from earlier and began the long hot descent down over a dozen floors before reaching the engineering level. When she reached the bottom she collapsed into the corridor gasping for air. The feeling was strangely reminiscent of her academy days when she went diving with one Mark

"Hobbes" Johnson who would later become her fiancé. They had nearly died in the underwater caverns on Mars. It was terribly frightening, although she had never admitted it to him. She stayed on her hands and knees for a few minutes, face touching the carpeted deck plates and she inhaled sharply and exhaled with some regret. Finally, she rose slowly as to not lose her balance and inched down the dark passage. The lights there were not working at all and she could barely make out the indent where the door to engineering was. She opened the plate in the wall up to find the lines that led to the power distribution for the plasma relays. She found it and worked steadily to try and shut it off. If she made one wrong move she could kill herself with a fatal plasma burst. Finally, the plasma coil cooled indicating that the lines were sufficiently contained and she manually dropped the force field before forcing the doors open.

When the doors slid completely open, Lieutenant Carey was already moving the crewmen toward the door. She quickly helped him get them out of engineering and into the nearby cargo bay, one by one. They worked to stabilize the critical before both collapsed to the ground in the dark corridor.

"Thanks, Captain, I was pretty sure we were going to all die in there." Carey's eyes were squeezed shut as he spoke.

"Anytime." She managed with half a smile. "Lieutenant Torres and Commander Chakotay were headed here, you haven't heard from them?"

"No, Ma'am." He looked at her suddenly concerned. "You didn't pass them anywhere?"

She shook her head. "This is the first time I've been out of the jeffries tubes since I left the Bridge. I haven't seen anyone."

He stood and leaned into the cargo bay where Icheb was busily tending to wounds. "Icheb, I'm going with the Captain."

Icheb nodded, but didn't answer as he continued with his work.

"Thank you, Mr. Carey."

He reached down and took her hand helping her to her feet.

"Alright than, I suggest we find out the status of the rest of the crew." She sighed as she led the way back to the nearest jeffries tube. They'd go floor by floor if they had to.


	3. Something Hurts

When they'd reached the next deck, they were greeted by a blast of fresh, cool air. "Finally!" She grinned. "Tom and Harry must be making progress up there."

"Are they the only ones on the Bridge?" Carey asked as he pushed the door to the Mess Hall open.

"When I left them, yes." She nodded as they made their way into the dimly lit room. "Mr. Neelix?"

"Captain! Oh, my I thought you were dead for sure! That ship came up on us so fast, and I knew for certain they were more powerful!" Neelix was climbing over pots and pans that littered the kitchen floor.

"Ship, Neelix?" Kathryn grabbed his shoulders as he emerged from around the counter. "You saw it?"

He nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, it appeared right outside the window and fired on us. I watched some sort of feedback and it went dead. It drifted out of sight." He was pointing out the Mess Hall window.

She stepped up to it and pressed her face against the clear cool pane. "I don't see it, but you're sure it was adrift?"

"Most definitely, Captain." Neelix wrung his hands nervously. "Surely they would have boarded us if they weren't."

She shook her head and placed her hands firmly on her hips. "No, that isn't necessarily true, but let's assume they can't figure out how to get inside." She turned back to face Carey and Neelix. "You'll come with us, we can use an extra pair of hands."

Neelix looked shocked. "Is it just the two of you?"

"For now. Icheb is caring for crewmen who were in engineering now and Mr. Paris and Kim are on the Bridge trying to get systems operational. That's all we know."

The three made their way out of the Mess Hall and began going through Deck thirteen's crew quarters, room by room.

"I really don't think anyone's in their quarters, Captain." Carey mumbled as he emerged from one room while she exited another on the other side of the corridor.

"Continue anyway. There's no way to know where everyone was and without sensors we have to do this right, or risk missing someone who could need urgent attention."

"Aye, Captain."

"Captain!" Neelix's frantic voice was echoing out from the Wildman's quarters.

Kathryn had an immediate knot in her stomach. Ensign Wildman was on duty until 0100 hours, leaving her daughter to sleep soundly in their quarters.

"Captain!" Neelix was all but screaming now as Kathryn pushed her way through the room.

She saw Naomi curled up in Neelix's arms, a large bruise on the side of her head, and a gash across her cheek. She was unconscious and Kathryn couldn't tell if she was breathing. She pulled Naomi from Neelix's arms and laid her flat on the floor. No air. She immediately started CPR, earning her a frightened and confused look from Neelix, who obviously never completed his bare basics first aid exam. He would be lost without an emergency medkit. A few more chest compressions and Naomi was coughing and gasping for air as Neelix scooped her out from underneath Kathryn's hands. They all knelt their silent for a moment as Naomi caught her breath.

"What happened?" Neelix asked the shaking child.

"I-I was going to go to the Mess Hall. Mom always tells me to go to the Mess Hall or Sickbay if there's any emergencies or attacks, but I fell." She stuttered a little bit, but was staying composed. She looked down at the table she had hit. "I was awake for a while I think, but no one came looking for me."

Kathryn offered her a soothing smile and a wink. "You're a brave girl, Miss Wildman."

Naomi balled her fists and sat up off of Neelix's chest with her chin up. "Thank you, Captain."

Kathryn stood and nodded to Neelix. "Get her to Sickbay, clean her up, see if you can help anyone that makes it there. We're pretty sure the Doctor is offline so we'll need all able-bodied crew to pitch in." She looked down at Naomi who was now standing next to Neelix. She placed her fingers under the young girl's chin and lifted it so their eyes met. "Help all you can, Crewman Wildman."

"Yes, Ma'am." Naomi managed a small smile as she took Neelix's hand and walked out with him.

Carey leaned toward Kathryn and whispered low. "She's got to be terrified."

Kathryn simply nodded. "Let's go, Lieutenant. There are ten decks remaining."

The lights flickered on briefly before dimming again. Carey looked over at Kathryn and sighed. "This false hope thing is going to get on my nerves."

She smiled and followed him into the corridor.

"Kim to Janeway. Are you reading me, Captain?"

Kathryn froze and tapped her comm badge. "Barely, Ensign. You're in and out, but it's a start. How are you and Tom making out?"

"Alright, we thought we had power restored, but lights are out again."

"Of that we're painfully aware." She tossed a smile at Carey who shrugged. "Have you heard from anyone?"

"Yes, Captain." B'Elanna's voice entered in. "Chakotay was continuing down to Engineering and I got back onto the Bridge."

"Stay put, B'Elanna, they can use your help. I'll try and catch up with Chakotay."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Kim out." Harry added.

"Good sign." Kathryn put her hands on her hips and stared down the corridor for a moment. "Now if only they had the turbolift working our job would be easier."

The words were barely out of her mouth when the turbolift doors opened and Chakotay eased himself off the ladder in the shaft. "Hey, Captain."

Both Kathryn and Carey grabbed either arm and helped pull him out.

"It's good to see you, Commander."

"You too." He gasped, catching his breath. "It took us a while to get out of there, a lot of damage to the lift itself. I thought you'd be dead, Captain."

"I'm not that easy to get rid of, Chakotay." She had that crooked smile and he smiled back.

"Computer sensors couldn't pick up your comm badge or life signs when we were first attacked and I assumed something had happened with that direct hit."

"Yeah, well… sensors told me we had life support and yet I had crew dropping from dizziness and lightheadedness." Carey countered.

Chakotay shook his head. "Captain, I don't know where it came from, it was port side, a hard hit and than an explosion from it's originating point. Sensors couldn't read it and we couldn't get a visual before everything went dead."

Kathryn nodded as she helped him up. "Neelix saw them. They had a cloaking device and appeared just before firing. He said there was almost a feedback on their shot and it redirected it back to them."

"That would make sense."

She ran her finger along the corner of her mouth before rubbing them together, deep in thought.

Those patterns were typical of her, and Chakotay was relieved by it. "We need engines."

"We need a lot of things. I'm going to continue this, you and Mr. Carey get back to engineering and see what you can accomplish there."

They nodded and headed off.

"Janeway to Paris."

"Paris here, Captain. Hey, you sound much clearer."

"Good work. Get sensors operational, we've had several crew hurt, including Naomi Wildman. I want to make sure we find everyone as quickly as possible."

"We're well on our way, Captain."

"Keep on it and let me know of any progress. Janeway out." Alone now she began climbing the ladder up through the turbo shaft. There was much more room for her to move, still wearing a heavy and thickly layered skirt. She ascended to the next floor quickly and pushed the shaft doors open to find critically injured crewmen lying in the corridors. Seven of Nine was helping bandage wounds, limping herself as she went.

"Captain." She nodded curtly as Kathryn climbed out of the shaft.

"Do you have medical supplies, Seven?"

"Affirmative." Her voice was labored while she kept her response as short as possible.

"Seven… sit, I've got it." She took the tricorder from Seven and guided her to the ground where she leaned her against the cool bulkhead.

Seven mumbled about keeping everyone near the turbolift in case of a rescue as her eyes drifted shut.

Kathryn scanned her quickly, discovering a minor concussion as she did. She shook Seven awake. "You need to keep your eyes open, Seven, to keep from slipping into a coma."

Seven shook her head gently and blinked hard as she leaned forward.

"That's it." Kathryn stood and went to tend to the other injuries.

Ensign Vorik appeared around the corner, crewman Sistel in his arms. "She's the last on deck."

"Thank you, Ensign." Kathryn began scanning her as Vorik set her down. She shook her head. "She has internal bleeding. There's absolutely nothing we can do without the Doctor. Janeway to Paris."

"Go ahead, Captain."

"I have Crewman Sistel here and she has massive internal bleeding, if I can get her to sickbay is there anything you can do?"

"Maybe, I'll meet you there. Paris out."

"Stay with Seven, Ensign Vorik. Don't let her pass out, she has a concussion."

"Yes, Captain." The Vulcan engineer settled himself down next to Seven.

Kathryn managed to lift Crewman Sistel into her arms and nodded at a less injured Lieutenant Kinney to proceed to the nearest jeffries tube.


	4. Healing the Family

**Warning: Hint of Sex at the End - Next Chapter Rated MA**

It took them some time, but between Lieutenant Kinney and Kathryn they were able to get Sistel to sickbay. When they all but fell through the doors, Tom was there waiting and lifted Sistel from Kathryn's arms while Naomi put her arm around Kinney and proceeded to ask him what hurts.

Kathryn managed a small smile at the young child as she leaned against the center medical console, completely exhausted. She watched as Kinney limped alongside Naomi trying to convince her he was not hurt, but she kept insisting he lay down and wait for Lieutenant Paris to come over and look at him. She glanced around at the other crewmen lying in biobeds and on emergency cots that Neelix and Naomi had set up. Slowly her people were getting the help they needed and that was comforting. What was not so comforting was the lack of information she had on that other ship. If they were still out there they were a potential threat to Voyager.

"Captain, how are you doing?" Neelix asked coming up from behind.

She nodded to him, "Fine, Neelix. How's everyone holding up?"

"Most injuries are not too bad, but _I_ still can't help them. Tom has to stay with us." He was nearly begging now.

She took another look around at the badly hurt people around her. "Tom, you're going to have to stay here and help with the injured. Once they're stable, check with Icheb in Cargo Bay 4, there were injured there as well."

"Yes, Ma'am." He muttered as he attached a cortical stimulator to Sistel's temple and raised the bio field. He glanced up and gave Kathryn his best "Tom Paris Smile" before returning to his work.

She pushed herself up off of the console where she was slumped and gingerly moved toward the door. She hadn't realized how much pain she had been in prior to this moment, but she fought reacting to it. Neelix was watching too closely. As she put distance between herself and sickbay she allowed a small gasp due to the pain. Somehow it helped, if only mentally.

"Captain!" B'Elanna was running up the corridor from behind. "We have the turbolift back!"

Kathryn had to practically catch B'Elanna to slow her down as she ran up to her. "That's good news. Is Chakotay back on the bridge?"

"Yes, Captain. They're getting close to returning full power to the external sensors, so Commander Chakotay sent me back to Engineering."

Kathryn let her fingers play over the panel on the wall next to them, keying in the ship-wide communications. "Attention all crew, this is the Captain. Assist all injured to Sickbay and help triage the critical. We are attemping to restore full power, and until than we need all hands. Janeway out." She stared at B'Elanna a moment before both turned to enter the turbolift. She wanted out of that dress.

"More coffee, Captain?" Neelix held up the steel pot he was becoming famous for carrying about.

"Yes, thank you." She rubbed her finger across the bruise on the side of her head. She never did let Tom look at it. She reviewed the tactical information in her hand and glanced back up to see Neelix still there. "What is it Mr. Neelix?"

"Do you think the away team will be back from that ship soon?"

"I'm sure. I just wanted information on that weapon they used on us. If we're near their space I'd rather not experience it again."

"It's just- well, the crew is concerned about the Borg still. We are afterall in sensor range and with your history with the Queen… well, she may be looking for you."

Kathryn sighed. "This, Neelix… it's something I've been thinking about for some time. I've been expecting to continue through portions of space that are inhabited by the Borg however hard we try to get around them. Do I like being so close to a Borg cube? Not at all, but ten lightyears is a lot of ways for a cube to come looking for us. A week at best. I'm sure they have us on sensors and if they wanted to, we'd be theirs already."

"One more thing, Captain."

"Yes, Neelix?" She eyed him closely as he looked down it his hands.

"Thank you, for helping Naomi. I - I didn't know what to do. She could have died, Captain!" Neelix wasn't fighting the raw emotion that hit him. The tears were streaming down his cheeks and his fists were balled up. "If they weren't already dead I'd go over there and kill every last one of them!"

This didn't surprise her, but she raised an eyebrow anyway. It was her job to discourage such behavior, even if she agreed with it. "Neelix… I know this was a traumatic thing, for all of us, but we need to remember who we are."

"Starfleet Officers." He finished and sighed before slumping into the chair across from her desk.

She set her coffee and the padd down and came around to the front and knelt down. "Neelix, I want as badly as you to understand this, even avenge it, but it's not appropriate for any of us to think that way." She rested her hands on his and pulled them down against his lap. "Neelix? Look at me."

"Captain?" His whisper was barely audible.

"It's going to be okay." She hugged him tight and smiled as she pulled back and looked him in the eye. "It will be."

"Yes, Captain." He attempted a smile back as he stood up.

She stood with him and put her hand on his shoulder as they walked to the Bridge.

"Captain, the away team just beamed back." Harry announced from ops as she walked out.

"Thank you, Harry. Tell the Commander to bring that information straight to the conference room and have all senior officers assemble there."

"Aye, Captain." Harry made the announcement as he transferred ops to Lieutenant Kinney.

"Neelix? You may excuse yourself from this one if you like?"

"Yes, I will."

By the time Kathryn had settled herself the staff had begun arriving. Tuvok, Chakotay and Tom had been aboard the alien vessel and laid out tricorder reports and padds with data on the weapon used.

"They're definitely warlords, Captain. The entire tactical layout is littered with plans to attack vessels and commandeer them." Chakotay handed a padd to her and she grimaced.

"It looks like they behead their victims after attacking them." Tom added.

Kathryn set the padd down. "What was that weapon?"

Tuvok read the schematics aloud before summarizing their content. "Essentially, Captain, it is a pulse that wipes out all power systems and sends an electrical signal to pulsate through the ship. In theory, it would disorient the crew, disabling everyone."

"And why didn't it?"

Chakotay rested his forearms on the table. "We can speculate, Captain, but all sensors were destroyed during the feedback. It could have been the hull plating, it could have been the shielding. To be honest, I've never seen a pulse do that to another ship. It's a powerful weapon, but they weren't prepared for us."

"Speculate, Commander. Dismissed."

They all left, except for Kathryn and Chakotay. Both silent for a long time.

Finally Chakotay spoke. "You should get that healed."

"I kind of like the pain." She gave him a crooked smile as she leaned back in the chair and stared out the window at the stars. "I don't like this. They're… powerful and we don't even know how we defended ourselves."

"Well, for starters, I like pain too, but it does you no good when you're commanding a starship. Second, why don't you get some rest and we'll 'speculate' more in the morning."

"I don't feel much like rest, Chakotay." She looked away and back at him. "That was scary. We've been through a lot over the years, but with Naomi… Chakotay, I didn't think I could get her back."

Chakotay was quiet, thinking over this for a while.

"Knowing there was a child on this ship never really changed the way I ran it, but having her nearly die in my arms… She's still a baby, I'd like to be able to get her home to meet her father, and maybe let her live to see where she should have been born."

Chakotay sighed and rested his hand on her knee. "I think you need a break. Why don't you go back to the Holodeck? Tom said there was no damage to it, you can continue whatever it was you were doing when all of this started."

"Not saving me any stress, I'm afraid."

"Oh?"

She laughed out loud. "Michael's been attempting to achieve a more… intimate relationship."

He grinned. "I thought he already achieved that."

"Oh no. Katie O'Claire doesn't crack so easily." She leaned forward and patted his cheek.

"Neither does Kathryn Janeway." He stuck his tongue out at her.

She laughed at the reference to his infamous massage and the night she nearly gave in to the boundaries she kept so well. "I'm not sure I can do that though."

He mulled over the sudden solemnity in her voice. "Why?"

"He _can't_ love me, Chakotay. He has no real emotion or feeling, it's just the way Tom programmed him that gives me my illusions."

"Do you love him?" He was prying, but it was gentle, his hand still resting on her knee.

She let her head fall back again and closed her eyes. "Yes, I do."

"Are you looking for real love, or are you looking for an excuse not to be with him?"

Her head shot up. "An excuse? You know better than anyone how lonely I am, Chakotay!"

He didn't flinch at her sudden defensiveness. "That doesn't mean you won't try to avoid love."

"I suppose." She relaxed and pulled one knee up, resting her chin on it as she thought. Her openness with Chakotay never seemed to ebb, and she liked that relationship. "I think…" she pressed her lips together and let her eyes drift to the ceiling. "Maybe it's just that he's confined to an imaginary world. He can't leave, he can't be with me except when it's convenient for me."

"A second mobile emitter would be nice." Chakotay smirked.

She smiled. "Unfortunately for me…."

"Yeah." He squeezed her knee before letting go. "Go see him. You need someone right now."

Her smile vanished and she studied him for a moment. Her first officer was telling her to go get some.


	5. An Irishman Can Steal Your Heart

** Warning: Sexually Explicit Content**

"Hello Katie."

Kathryn felt immediately lifted as she heard his voice. She turned and stared at the handsome man before her.

"It's raining and you're soaked through." He pushed her hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead gently.

She looked down at her uniform and smiled softly. "Yes, well… I wasn't much worried about it. That fire will keep me warm."

He slipped around her and bolted the door. She watched as he disappeared into the back only to reappear a moment later with an armful of towels and a large quilt. "We'll have you warmed in no time."

She smiled and remained where she was as he draped the quilt over a chair. He handed her one of the towels and she took it graciously.

"You're quiet tonight."

"It's been an awful day." She ran the towel across her face and over the sleeves of her uniform, taking most of the drips with it. "I didn't want to leave you before."

"Duty?"

"Something like that." She surrendered her towel and leaned on the sturdy back of a wooden chair. "I missed you… and thought about you all day."

He nodded, but stood silent. The glow of the fire shined on her wet face as her hair continued to release water droplets down her cheeks. He took one step and reached for her face where the dark bruise was. "Who hurt you, Katie?"

"It doesn't matter, they're gone now."

He reached around her and unbuttoned the back of her jacket, pulling it off in one smooth motion. The heavy, soaked garment fell to the ground and she stood there in the sleeveless gray Starfleet issue top. "It's plain." He whispered.

"Just a little." She bit her lower lip as she stepped forward closing the gap between them effortlessly. "I'm not ready."

"You say that, and yet -"

She held her finger against his lips and than replaced it with her mouth. When she pulled away she took a sharp breath. She'd kissed him before, but never with such intent. She had a tight grip on his white long sleeve shirt.

"Katie… I love you and I still don't understand why you don't feel that way, and yet act it."

She gave him a sad look. "I do feel that way, Michael. I love you very much." She kissed him softly on the cheek before dropping her hand to grasp his. "My feelings are confusing, and yours are… oh, Michael, it doesn't matter anymore."

He stared at her and dropped her hand. He turned to the fire and crossed both arms. "I need you to be sure, this can hurt you."

"I can never be sure about anything, Michael. I know I want you, I've known it for a long time even though I fought myself."

"You're heart, Katie…" He looked back at her and held his hand out for her to take it back.

"Michael?" She whispered as she pulled herself against him and into a strong embrace. "Please…."

He smiled down into her deep blue eyes. He slid his hand down her back and gently lifted her shirt over her head before pulling her down onto the stone in front of the fireplace. He kissed her softly on her cheek and neck while she slide her finger under each of his buttons, popping them open easily.

She didn't take her eyes off of him while he made his way from her neck back to her lips.

He pulled the quilt off of the chair and laid it next to them, easing her down onto it. "The stone's cold."

"Sure it is." She smiled softly as he slid her pants down and off, pulling her boots with them.

He slipped his own off and made a show of leaning over her, earning him a smile.

"Stop playing games." She grinned happily as she lifted her head off the quilt and kissed him again.

He leaned on his elbow and looked down at her. "Are you sure, Katie?"

"It's been seven years, Michael… I'm not sure about anything anymore." She kissed him again, this time deeper, allowing her mouth to explore his. She felt his body move on top of her, covering her completely. She hesitated, pulling back slightly.

He pushed himself up with both hands. "You alright?"

"Yes." She breathed.

He moved his hand to her waist to steady her. She was shaking slightly, but he ignored it as he held her soft skin in his hand. He waited a moment before moving lower and sliding his finger down her inner thigh. He paused again, this time to be sure she really wanted to keep going.

She managed to nod as she locked her eyes with his and than she felt his fingers move back up her thigh to touch her softly. It was barely considered a touch and yet it sent a shiver through her making her reach down and grab his hand.

He twisted her hand around to hold it to the side and wrapped his fingers around hers. "Still okay?" He whispered into her ear, the thick accent smooth.

"I think so." She slid herself up just a little, instinctively positioning herself better beneath his heavy body. Thoughts of photonic particles and holoemitters were fading as she felt him enter her, so slow it was almost painful. She pulled her hand out of his and slid it under his arm to grip his back. Her other hand had already found the back of his head and her fingers were tangled in his short hair.

Her sudden movements to hold onto him only encouraged him as he began to move a little faster inside of her.

She squirmed around for an even better angle and gazed into his eyes.

He slid one arm underneath her back to hold her up against him and he again kissed her neck and shoulder. She found herself burying her face against his shoulder and gasping as he continued a still faster pace. It was everything she could do not to bite down hard on her lip as she pulled both hands down to grasp the back of his shoulder blades.

"Oh, Michael…." She couldn't seem to say anything else, so she continued to repeat his name. She could feel the heat rising and she couldn't tell whether it was the fire or his body, if that was possible. "Michael!" She gasped again as she fought to hang on to him, his body forcing hers further off the quilt.

He continued going, even once she was done, bringing her higher yet again.

She held tighter, her eyes shut now feeling every bit of the passionate burn between her legs. She was shaking and trying to catch her breath as she tried to maintain the same pace as he, but she quickly realized it didn't matter. He was leading them where they needed to go. She felt herself tighten around him, praying the night would never end. Until again, her body seized with an uncontrollable orgasm. She wrapped both arms around his neck as he settled her naked body against the quilt, pulling it around them.

He smiled at her softly. "That wasn't so terrible, was it, Katie?"

She pursed her lips in thought before grinning. "Not _terrible_ no."

He shook his head as he leaned in to kiss her again. "Rest, Katie."

"I don't think I have an option." She whispered feeling her body completely drained as she lay against his warm flesh. It was warm, _he_ was warm. And _he_ loved her. Despite all the analysis and understanding of holographic technology, Michael Sullivan loved Katie O'Claire.


	6. Conclusion

*This conclusion is short, anti-climatic… but we all know how the trauma of alien vessels and the threat of Borg assimilation ends: with Janeway kicking ass. I hope everyone enjoyed my story. HUGS*

Kathryn say in the dark holodeck. She had ended the active program and retreated to one of her favorites. Master Da Vinci's study. She had spent hours here at a time mid-way through their journey home. She had made it her sanctuary and than brought Seven into it as well. Seven learned to sculpt here, to really feel the clay beneath her fingers as she molded it into whatever her heart desired. The room was pitch black save for two candles near the stairwell and the coals still hot in the fire place. She sighed and set her glass down. It had been a good night, curled up in Michael's arms, but she still fought with herself over the logistics of being romantically involved with him.

"Get any rest, Kathryn?"

She turned at Chakotay's voice and nodded. "Yes, and just when I thought I had figured myself out too."

"You fell asleep huh?" He chuckled and sat opposite her on the hearth of the fireplace.

"Yes, I did." She smiled softly and nodded toward the empty glass. "There's some more left. The _real_ stuff."

He grinned wide. "Yeah? Did you save it from the Kounairi trades?"

"You bet I did."

He took her glass and went to the candle lit table where the bottle was sitting. "I'm surprised you only had one with the day we had."

"Me too." She nodded and looked back at him over her shoulder. "Thank you for coming down."

He handed her the glass and returned to the hearth, poking the embers as he spoke. "Did you know that I can see which program is running from the Bridge?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Yes, but why?"

"I wanted to make sure you actually spent some time down here. When I glanced down at it and the program was different I wanted to check on you."

She rolled her eyes and took a sip of the alien brandy in her hands. "It's good stuff."

"This, or the holodeck?" Chakotay smirked. "How are you though, Kathryn?"

"I don't think I'll be settling down with a holo-family, but I'm content I suppose."

"It's hard out here, family's a difficult concept for all of us." He set his glass down and leaned forward to see her eyes through the dark. "We'll be alright."

"I know." She whispered. "What time is it?"

"Late. Tom and Harry were going to have everyone meet at Sullivan's, but you'll have to get out of here for him to arrange it."

She stuck her tongue out at him playfully before standing. She placed her hand on her back as she stretched it out. "Well, this time I didn't end my night with Michael on a bad note."

"Good, than you'll join us. That's an order."

She shoved her tongue into her cheek to prevent a smart remark and instead just shook her head. "Aye, Commander." She added as the two left the holo-deck.


End file.
